Örül, ha hozzáérhet
és
Felébred, felébred
Örül, ha hozzáérhet a pokol, az összeomlás, a romlás, a halál,
velük együtt azonban örül, ha hozzáérhet a tavasz is, Mária
Magdolna is, az élet is. És fel kell ébredni. Fel kell ébredni,
és fel kell kelni. Fel kell támadni.
La mer... a great number of people associate the deep blue with the possibility of change, and watching change happen. I'm one of those people. The resolutions I make by the sea are a proof of that. We all need such exits or entrances, it's a matter of perspective.
Taking a closer look, could take us to pure psychology. The colour of the sea, its movement, the stillness, its depth, all in all, overrated symbols and cliches, none of them truly count. Only from a distance.
Yes, I'm at a considerable distance right now, still. Absence sure made my heart grow fonder, and a couple of days more: Voila!!! Soon, I'll be there... I'll have my nouveau resolution demanding a solution, demanding more than what I usually bargain, but es muss sein, es muss sein, that's what Beethoven's sonata repeats.
Let there be no more compulsions, no more instructions such as 'Don't face reality, let it be a place from which you escape'. Escape into a reality of my own making, yes, of course.
It all begins with the sea for me, 'Water, water everywhere, Not a drop to drink'...
There's good and bad in each choice we make. Which automatically means that the idea of 'the right choice' is nothing more than an illusion. We are governed by fears and anxieties, selfishness and hate, pity and mercy; at other times of our subconscious, and in many cases we give in to what others consider right. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome warmly the dreaded "mókusfogó". Cheers...
It's also very easy to make other people's decisions those truly are no-brainers. No dramatic repercussions, no fidgeting and wondering, sleepless nights and headaches. We are sometimes incapable of being charge of our own world. We want it to be perfect, even though we agree that it could never be flawless...
I read a fortune cookie the other day: 'Dance like nobody's watching, sing like nobody's listening and love like you've never been hurt.' There's no word about these actions being perfect, ever. They are not, because they are simply not supposed to be. There's always the possibility and probability that we go one step too far, or that we fall short of something, or that we still bear the pangs of past experiences. No sweet escape from what we once did wrong and the obsession of doing better. Surround the choices with the emotional baggage and there you go, you got all the drama that can be suffocating.
I told my mother that I need to make my own mistakes to actually learn from them. She smiled at my father, and he poured me a glass of wine. That night, red wine became my favourite drink. It was not a mistake to let them see that I'm not the perfect daughter, but I started to see that they are the perfect parents (I know it sounds dramatic).
So... Here we go.
